A Letter to My Son on His Fourth Month in the World

Dear Baby Wolf, 

As I type this, you are sleeping peacefully on my tummy, in a deep slumber that is such a rare occurrence for you. This deep slumber is the aftermath of several hours of fitful naps that left you really tired. Your sleep is often light, causing you to twitch and wake easily even when I shift my body ever so slightly. Your sleep is also never too long, usually just one to two hours at a time. These four months have been exhausting for me. I used to need to sleep at least eight hours to feel fully rested. But these past months, I was lucky to get even three. 

Before you were born, I used to demand those eight hours of sleep every night. I would require the lights out by 10 pm, much to the frustration of your Dad, who would sneak in some PS4 time in the wee hours, playing at the lowest volume and hoping I wouldn’t wake up. When I did wake up, I complained to the high heavens, especially when I was pregnant with you.

I used to be demanding. I used to complain and get my way often. There are a lot of things I used to be that I no longer am and may never be again. Because of you.

You came into this world, and I met my match. You were way more demanding, and way more in need. I was no longer the one who would get my way. I could not sleep when I wanted. I could not eat or bathe when I pleased. I could not go out whenever I felt like it. Your needs and wants would come before mine, because they were more urgent, and you were more helpless. All of this I realized, and all of this, I embraced.

You are amazing, baby. You changed me. I am more patient, more understanding, less selfish. I would say I’m just as passionate and ambitious, but these traits are now mainly focused towards being the best mother I can be for you.

I am exhausted right now. But I am not complaining nor demanding rest. I am gazing at your angelic face and thanking God that you are sleeping soundly.

I love you Baby Wolf. Happy four months! Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for making me a mother.

 

Yours always,

Mom