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Sex Myths People Need to Ditch

Recently, I came across an article on teenage moms in the Philippines. It showed just how lacking our country is in providing proper sex education, especially among lower income households. It made me think about my own experience discovering sex, and I realized that even if I grew up relatively well off, there were still people in my social circle who shared with me misguided or downright wrong ideas about sex. I have always been highly sexual, and my curiosity about the subject, together with my love for learning, pushed me to research whenever adults told me things about sex that I didn’t fully understand. I never believed that it is wrong to talk openly about sex, and yet many conservative adults still prefer to sugarcoat or avoid explaining some things. I recall encountering many unscientific ideas that if I myself had believed and acted upon, could have had disastrous consequences. I want to share and refute these, because I believe in the importance of talking candidly about sex. I hope I can help more teenagers learn the facts and help more adults have healthier and happier sex lives. Below are the sex myths that I’ve encountered and will debunk.

Myth #1: Tampons make you lose your virginity.

I was once told by an adult that tampons should be used only by married women. This was so confusing to me, as I was in grade school and I had classmates who used tampons. I later on realized that the adult probably believed that inserting a tampon would lead to virginity loss, or it may break the hymen. But hymens differ in shape and size, some girls never even have hymens to begin with, and hymens can tear from some kinds of exercise. Whether or not a hymen is intact is not a good indicator of virginity. Besides, it can be argued that the concept of female virginity hinges on the fragile ego of some males and their need for dominance. If a man with liberal views is confident and secure about himself, so-called virginity of his partners should be a non-issue. So if you are single and want to explore using tampons or much better, menstrual cups (they’re a life-changer), don’t let people tell you that you shouldn’t.

Myth #2: Wear two condoms to be extra protected.

I had a friend who confessed that she would require her partner to wear two condoms during sex to double the protection. Not only is this wrong, but it could seriously backfire. Condoms are not made to rub against each other. Doubling the condoms could increase the risk of both condoms breaking, and thus lead to pregnancy or STIs. Wearing two condoms also sounds uncomfortable and not very satisfying for the wearer.

Myth #3: Females should not reach orgasm or else they will get pregnant.

Another friend shared with me that his ex-girlfriend would always ask him to stop in the middle of having sex. She believed that if she got too turned on, she would get pregnant. Sex without contraception, improperly used contraception, or unreliable contraception is what will result in pregnancy. Females do not get pregnant from getting an orgasm. I really hope people who think this will come across this post, so they can learn the truth and start having better sex!

Myth #4: It’s your partner’s fault if you feel the need to fake orgasms.

A friend in a long-term relationship said that her partner was bad in bed, because she never came with her partner and she would just pretend to orgasm. Sex is short for sexual intercourse. The prefix “inter” means “between.” One implication I see is that good sex requires, first and foremost, open and honest communication. By deceiving her partner through faking her pleasure, she never allowed good sex to happen between them. She never communicated properly what she needed. So who really among the two was bad at sex?

Myth #5: Bigger is always better.

Media and the porn industry show a big penis to be the ideal size for men. However, friends with sexual experiences with partners with big penises have confessed that more often than not, it was painful and not enjoyable. One friend also recounted how her partner had a big penis, but he always had difficulty keeping it fully erect. This would cause awkward lags during sex, though a little creativity could have been applied to make sex still enjoyable (a man after all has a mouth and hands too). Bigger is definitely not necessarily better. Good sex is not about size but about skill and resourcefulness. For example, a man with a big penis and a woman with a short vagina may still enjoy sex together if they are able to find mutually comfortable positions.

These misconceptions about sex are quite common and often go uncorrected, because many people don’t like to talk about sex. I hope that this post can give people some enlightenment on certain aspects of sex. Sex should not be taboo. Sex is normal and healthy.

Have you encountered the same sex myths? Or have you heard other misguided notions on sex? Share them here or send me a message. I’d love to hear about them. Stay safe, healthy, and sexy, everyone! 😘

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A New Name

I woke up this morning, and in my extremely groggy state, one thought entered my mind, but it was so piercingly clear that I acted on it immediately—I needed to change my blog’s name.

I stopped posting for almost a year, mostly because I got very busy. But when I woke up this morning, I had a lightbulb moment, wherein I realized that I had come to resent my blog name. The name “peso savvy mommy” to me felt so alien, so foreign, so not me. Although the phrase described me, it was just a role of mine, one of the hats I wear. It felt limiting on most days. On bad days, it felt suffocating.

I’ve written before about how being a parent is so life-changing. You can really lose yourself. It’s always been in my character to dedicate myself to my work, but when that work is another human being, it’s hard to draw the line between your child’s progress and your own personal progress. If the former is the only thing that gets your attention, it can create an imbalance that’s not healthy for you or your family.

Having a kid attached to you 24/7 can get pretty tough!

For the past year, I’ve been working on balancing my time between nurturing my son and embarking on endeavors for my own development and sanity as well. I played my violin more, started a business, got into baking and cooking, and enjoyed a few baby-free nights. Technically, most of what I did was still ultimately for the benefit of my family as it provided additional income. But it made me feel personally fulfilled in a way that looking after Wolf the whole day could not. The thing about child-rearing is that it can get very monotonous especially in the early years. And many days it may feel like you’re not getting anywhere (even if you really are achieving a lot)!

I needed to hone and learn skills that made me feel like me again, and I’m happy that now I’m generally feeling much better. I’ve reclaimed my own identity and with it, I just knew instinctively that my blog name had to change. It was a reminder of how I boxed myself in a mold that never quite fit or felt right, because I am more than a thrifty mother.

And so I’ve decided to change this blog’s name to one that I feel better represents me and is more encompassing—“wild dream junkie.” Ever since I can remember, I’ve loved dreaming, both while asleep and awake. It’s almost like an addiction. Many times, I wake up then purposefully go back to sleep to continue my dream (like in the movie “Inception”). My vivid dreams help me process my emotions, which most of the time are through the roof and need thorough processing. Haha. My dreams also inspire many of my actions in real life. They influence my decisions. I definitely am a heavy dreamer. My most memorable milestones are marked by when the best of my dreams become reality.

The change in my blog’s name also marks for me a change in my outlook, a change that’s been a year in the making and is acknowledged and celebrated today. Taking care of myself is necessary so that I can take care of others. Here’s to more dreaming and doing, for me and for you who are reading this now. Thanks for taking some time to read this small update on my life. I hope you and your loved ones are safe, content, and in the best of physical and mental health. ❤️

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On Motherhood and Success

Mom and baby swimming

Last weekend, we went swimming. I enjoyed looking at our pictures, because it was evident that I am already close to losing all the baby weight, which is one of my personal goals. One of my big fears when I was pregnant was that I wouldn’t be able to lose the extra pounds after giving birth. When I was younger, I used to be so naive, thinking that the best way to solve problems was to play it safe and try to avoid encountering those problems in the first place. Thus, I thought that to avoid getting fat, I would just never get pregnant.

I thought I would never get married or have kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder, earn a lot, and never get frumpy. Studying in an all-girls high school, I was taught that girls could be trailblazers in their careers. It was also implied that getting married and having kids were not goals worthy of an educated woman. Of course, they remained desirable aims, but it was not enough to be a housewife or mother. You had to work as well, because… women should be able to do it all!

At school, you learn that most in middle-class society expect mothers to work and take care of the household. No one ever tells you that managing a household is a full-time job in itself. There are no promotions, hefty bonuses, or awards for years of service. There are no fancy titles or corner offices. And without any extra help, it will take up all of your time and make having a corporate position impossible. Two years ago, I was forced to resign from a job I liked, trading foreign exchange at a bank. I had no one who could help me take care of my newborn son. And so from full-time banker, I became a full-time mother.

With my new position, I was on call round-the-clock. Bonuses were frequent but in kind—hugs and kisses throughout the day—honestly, the best kind of bonus ever. Automatic tenure made this position very secure. However, the only chance of promotion involved constant power struggles between the real boss (me) and the boss baby. Two years in, I don’t know if my superiority will ever be fully acknowledged.

Ever since I became a mom, I have begun to base my life choices on what I believe is best for my family. I refuse to equate staying home with a child with less income. On the contrary, I believe having a child should inspire us to find multiple income sources and opportunities for passive income. I was a banker, but it was actually when I assumed the job title of mother that I became more motivated to grow our wealth. I am happy to say that in that aspect, we have taken concrete steps that I perhaps wouldn’t have taken this early on without the pressure of having a dependent.

If back in high school, I used to define success as climbing the corporate ladder, now, becoming a mother has changed that. Success for me now is having the free time to do the things you truly want to do. Success is being able to work smart instead of work hard. Success is spending a quarter of your day on work, and the rest on quality time with loved ones. Success is having your money work for you and not the other way around.

Swimming

Raising a human being is truly a difficult job, and I am incredibly lucky to be able to do it full-time. Every day, my baby boy looks up to me. Every day, I hope I am doing right by him, helping him become a good person.

Children are incredibly perceptive. They learn from what we say, but even more from what we do. If there is one trait I want my son to admire in me, it’s ambition. It was difficult for me to shed all the baby weight, but I set a goal, and I am almost there. I want my son to look at me and see a person comfortable and confident in her own skin. It was heartbreaking for me to give up corporate life, but I found other sources of income, and I will find more down the road. I want my son to understand that his parents will always seek ways and means for the family to live life to the fullest.

Postpartum mom weight loss

At one of my lowest points last year, I broke down alone, feeling cheated by fate and utterly worthless. Then I thought of my son, fought against the hopelessness, and took action. I was extremely vulnerable, but I would willingly expose myself to that productive pain over and over again, for our future. I want my son to look at how our family stares down defeat, ala Arya Stark, and says, “Not today.”

Life’s setbacks make the ambitious even more resourceful. I hope that I can set a good example, so that my son finds fulfillment in constantly growing and learning. Becoming a mother taught me that while life will throw so many obstacles our way, facing them head on is what will make us stronger and wiser. I hope that my son becomes successful, and by this, I mean fulfilled with anything he sets his heart on—whether it be advanced degrees, fatherhood, business, and/or advocacy work. I hope he grows up realizing that success comes in many forms—some are bright and flashy, whereas others are unassuming and steadfast. I hope he sees and celebrates those many forms achieved by himself and others. And I hope he can look at his mom one day and say, “I learned so much from her. She inspires me to grow constantly.” That, for me, would be the ultimate success.

Mom and baby swimming

Happy Mom’s Day, super moms! 🤱🏻 How has motherhood changed your idea of success? ❤️

#motherhood #success #work #grind #money #passion #business #momlife #mommy #parenting #family #postpartum #weightloss #stretchmarks #mombod

Stupor

It all started when her father taught her to never answer back.

He got drunk and shouted a lot. She thought that’s what strength was.

No matter how loud she made her voice, her tiny frame was always overwhelmed by the shadows of men.

Men who liked her feistiness but only in bed.

Men who felt her words were an attack when they were actually a plea.

Men thought she shouted to win.

She just wanted to be heard.

She got tired of shouting. Drinking was easier.

At least the bartender pretended to care.

On Marriage and Music

My husband and I are musicians. I play violin and he plays viola. He plays with the national orchestra, while I play freelance. Since quarantine began, we’d occasionally have time to record videos of us playing together. Truthfully, with a young child to take care of, scheduling such projects is no easy feat. But for our wedding anniversary this year, we made the effort to record in the wee hours. I wanted to be able to celebrate by making a video of us playing his song for me, “Lakambini” by Ebe Dancel.

Recording together was challenging, because we only have one decent recording device at home. We considered recording separately, but I knew that we had to play it together or it would not be as meaningful. This meant that our sound would bleed into each track, and thus, the imperfections in our playing could not be edited out easily. The final mix was not perfect, but we ended up loving it. The imperfections made the rendition sound authentic and sincere. Each scratch of the bow, each slight quiver in tone, expressed the fragility of two people constantly learning how to love. And with every imperfection, we rebounded, found ourselves in better sync and harmony. Enduring, much like our relationship.

I realized through our project that marriage is a lot like making music together. It’s a constant learning process of listening, adjusting, expressing, and responding. If you’re playing and recording alone, it’s easier to correct your mistakes, but it’s not as fulfilling as playing with someone else. When playing together, you need to be dynamic, attentive, and forgiving. And your efforts will be rewarded, not with perfection, but with synergistic beauty.

https://youtu.be/3TVm-BMjJPM

Exercise, Take 2

Last year, I posted about our desire to lead a less sedentary lifestyle. Well, we did our daily brisk walking for a few months, but we weren’t able to stay consistent once the holiday rush kicked in, because we started getting more work then.

This year, the pandemic struck, and we became even more sedentary during the quarantine. I knew that we needed to make changes soon if we wanted Wolf to develop good habits. So I decided that we will start exercising again as a family.

I started searching for indoor exercises, and came across basic workouts and HIIT exercises for kids. So that is what we are starting with. And we are aiming, for now, to put in a modest 40 min per week of vigorous exercise.

Yesterday, we took pictures that will serve as our “before pictures,” because of course, we hope to look different after starting our exercises again and eating more veggies! Wish us luck!

Current weight: 44 kg
Thanks, Decathlon, for my very first sports bra purchase. Better late than never! Haha!
Wolf wanted to join his dad.
Current weight: 83 kg
He’s really working it. 🙄
Current weight: 14.8 kg
Current height: 3’1

The Master Luthier

written in memory of Sir Amador Tamayo

A trip to the luthier was always
a whole day affair
You never rushed talk
You never rushed art

You told many stories
funny, bare, earthy
as the green expanse
that cradled the workshop

Nature, light banter
Perhaps through the chatter
your ears were expertly probing
Is this player
Mellow and deep
Sprightly and bright
How does one marry
flesh and wood

It was pure magic
in a sanctuary of music
where time was held hostage
by an artist and master

Violins are so temperamental
Sensitive to the elements
Easily broken
Like people

A mighty tree has fallen
The crash is deafening
But more so is the silence that follows
the final breath
at the end of a masterpiece